When Baby Turns One

 The photo-shoot went seamlessly, as long as you can laugh at the smash-cake mishap. By mishap, I just mean he screamed his poor head off at the mere sight of the bright cake adorned with sprinkles.

I stood in disbelief as our photographer clicked away on her camera that my BABY was turning one. The mixture of emotions I felt fluttered through me, changing as I reflected on his precious first year of life.

I felt a little bewildered and  super grateful. God entrusted my husband and I with this PERFECT sweet baby boy. I don’t know that I will ever feel worthy of that gift. But I will forever be grateful that I was hand-picked to be his mom. What an incredible gift to receive that I try my best to honor each day.

Humbled. The delivery of our boy came with some complications, and we were extremely blessed by gracious family and friends who helped us. God planned out these small details; and placed us in a community of friends that helped us in any way they could, and family members who stayed to help for a few weeks. Without my asking, our friends picked up my daughter for play dates, took her to and from school and gymnastics. Made our family delicious meals when I couldn’t. Visited and just encouraged me through a tough time. I will forever be so thankful for these people!

Pride washed over me as I watched my daughter kiss her baby brother. She has loved him with something fierce, ever since she laid eyes on him. She is protective, nurturing, caring and sweet to him. Having been the only child for almost five years, I worried how she would be with a baby brother. I can honestly say she has never been happier.

Complete. Fulfilled. This baby we didn’t think we would ever have; and yet he has completed our family and filled our hearts with so much happiness, I could burst. He embodies the definition of JOY. We are all still completely enamored with him, almost a full year later.

Sadness. Of course every mom is sad when her baby turns one. Not because one is OLD- but because it goes by faster than you can blink.  

Wonder. It’s amazing watching our children grow and learn new things. Every new expression he makes, new coo or word makes me smile. All of the milestones he meets fill my heart with incredulous joy and pride. And then, when I think I couldn’t possibly be more proud, he goes and does it again. What a privilege it is to witness his growth and these changes!

Relief. It is no small job taking care of a baby. The feedings, diaper changes, baths, Dr. appointments, diaper changes, - their complete dependency on you is daunting. The sleep deprivation is no joke. But we made it through the first year!

Excitement. I love watching him come into his own each day. I love when hints of his personality come out.  I can’t help but be excited that I get to teach him, and love him with my entire heart forever. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for this baby boy.

Redeemed. The first few weeks of baby boys life were difficult. I wanted to breastfeed him in the worst way, but it didn't work out for us. We tried everything, and in the end I simply felt like I failed him. Now I can look back and feel good about giving it my best shot. He is healthy, happy, growing and thriving just fine on formula. Thankfully, we serve a mighty God and the guilt I felt early on has been lifted.

Peace. He is my second, and from my first I learned how fast it really does fly by. So I appreciated him in a different way, and did things differently. I ignored the parenting books and articles that said he would never be a good sleeper if I tended to him when he woke up at night. I knew that those nights were numbered. I treasured our quiet moments together, just him and I in the still darkness. I knew that soon enough he wouldn’t need me in the middle of the night. I memorized the way his eyelashes danced  as he fought going back to sleep. The way his entire body gave way to sobs when I picked him up, and instantly became replaced by deep sighs of contentment. The way his silky soft cheek felt next to mine. The way his tiny fingers grasped onto me, assuring himself that I was still there.  The sound of him sucking on his beloved binky. Yes, of course I was tired. I still am! But I have no regrets.

These emotions just scratch the surface of what a mother goes through watching her baby turn one. I know God has great plans for my baby boy, and I can’t wait to see how his life unfolds. Yes, he is not a tiny baby anymore. But I have taken heart knowing that this is just the beginning, and the best is yet to come.