Perfect Stranger

On a whim leaving the grocery store, I decided to run into Marshalls and pick up a few things. Since my trunk was full of groceries, it would have been impossible to take out the baby stroller, so I slung my one year old on my hip for a quick in and out.

My one year old had figured out how to successfully lean far enough away from me to grab things off of shelves, admire them for a minute, attempt to put it in his mouth, and then throw the object that no longer appealed to him. SO picture me, trying to balance him, a few pictures books and a shirt, while repeatedly bending over to pick up and put away the various things he grabbed.

I made my way to the front of the store to check out, my arm starting to ache under his squirmy weight. I knew if anyone was watching me, they probably thought that I looked completely ridiculous. I would have agreed.

Out in the parking lot, I sighed as I tried to unlock a car that wasn’t mine, turning around when I heard someone call out to me.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Oh great, I thought. It was probably her car I was just trying to unlock. I stopped and turned to her, ready to apologize for the mix-up.

She smiled as she approached me, and started talking. “I don’t normally do this. But I would like to pay for your things.” She gingerly held out some folded up bills. As confusion appeared on my face, and continued on, “God has just laid it on my heart to buy your things, so please accept this.”

I was surprised and genuinely appreciated her kind gesture, but I couldn’t just take her money, could I? She was a perfect stranger!! I gently declined her generous offer.

She listened, and nervously started wringing her hands together. I could tell that she felt uncomfortable.

“I know this is really random. Believe me, I have NEVER done this before. I didn’t want to embarrass you in the store by just paying at the register, but I can’t ignore this feeling God has given me to buy your things.  It was the craziest thing; as soon as I saw you, I KNEW in my heart I was supposed to buy your things, and remind you that God loves you.”

I immediately felt gratitude and bewilderment rush through me.

I clumsily thanked her, trying to wrap my mind around what was happening.

She put the cash into my hand, gave me a swift hug and told me to have a good weekend.

I sat in the front seat of my car, and didn’t even turn on the car as tears of humility and gratitude spilled from my eyes. Thank you Lord! Only YOU could do that! Only YOU could use a perfect stranger to demonstrate your PERFECT love. Only you could come to me when I was feeling flustered and unworthy of receiving any gifts. Just thank you.

I know some people would explain this as someone just trying to pay it forward. Someone who watched a mom squat down 300 times because her silly baby loved the game of pick-up, and felt sorry for me. Perhaps it was an instance of being in the right place at the right time.

But I know in my heart of hearts that this was no coincidence. This was not luck. This was simply God using one of his followers to reveal himself to another. A gentle reminder that no matter what chaos ensues around us, He is there, and loves us. Right in the middle of the mundane, he does something extraordinary. I almost let my pride get in the way of accepting her money. I almost let this shining example of light pass right by me. Just the way we sometimes feel undeserving of God’s love grace and mercy.

I never even caught her name. She didn’t mention it, as she wasn’t worried about receiving the glory... So to the girl at Marshalls, thank you.

Thank you for giving me the money I’m sure you work hard to earn.

 Thank you for being such an amazing example of saying yes to God, even when it doesn’t make sense. Thank you for not ignoring the Holy Spirit pressing on your heart. Thank you for having the courage to approach me, not knowing where my faith stands.  Thank you for not giving up and walking away after I declined your offer the first time. Thank you for allowing yourself to be a vessel, extending God’s love to me.

Thank you for renewing my hope, in a scary and fallen world.

Just Cry Out

I was woken out of a deep slumber to the sound of my baby crying. I waited a few minutes to see if his cries would subside before I went into his room. His cries grew louder, so I got out of my warm bed and groggily walked into his room. My heart softened as soon as I saw him. My son was standing up in his crib, tears streaming down his tiny face, arms outstretched towards me. When I picked him up he instantly stopped crying, and buried his head against my chest.

I rocked him back to sleep, waiting until his breaths became long and even before I laid him back down. As I rocked him, the Holy Spirit tenderly whispered words that landed heavily on my heart. “You see how that works? How your son felt scared and alone in the darkness? He couldn’t see you or feel you, and he thought he was all alone. He cried out to you, and you came and comforted him.

This is what God wants for us! Our heavenly father is always there, ready to comfort us. In our times of desperation and loneliness, we easily forget. All we have to do is cry out to Him, and He will be there to pick us up into His loving arms."

MY darkness is completely different than someone else’s. Darkness could be divorce, illness, financial troubles, loss of a loved one, a spouse deployed overseas, depression, ect. It doesn’t matter what it is that is wrecking havoc in our hearts; nothing is too messy to bring before Him! I’m not saying He will take your problems away. But He will comfort you and give you a peace that only He can give. It’s so simple, yet we forget. Just cry out to Him. That’s all we have to do.

This doesn’t happen to me very often. Maybe my heart isn’t always open to hearing these whispers, or I let the business of life distract me. But there was no mistake, no confusion in this message. It resonated deep in my soul, loud and clear.

I am sharing this in the hopes that someone who needed to hear this, will come across this and be given hope. Even if its just a glimmer! I pray that someone who has been trapped in darkness will have the boldness to cry out for help. It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you say. He is there, waiting for you.

When Baby Turns One

 The photo-shoot went seamlessly, as long as you can laugh at the smash-cake mishap. By mishap, I just mean he screamed his poor head off at the mere sight of the bright cake adorned with sprinkles.

I stood in disbelief as our photographer clicked away on her camera that my BABY was turning one. The mixture of emotions I felt fluttered through me, changing as I reflected on his precious first year of life.

I felt a little bewildered and  super grateful. God entrusted my husband and I with this PERFECT sweet baby boy. I don’t know that I will ever feel worthy of that gift. But I will forever be grateful that I was hand-picked to be his mom. What an incredible gift to receive that I try my best to honor each day.

Humbled. The delivery of our boy came with some complications, and we were extremely blessed by gracious family and friends who helped us. God planned out these small details; and placed us in a community of friends that helped us in any way they could, and family members who stayed to help for a few weeks. Without my asking, our friends picked up my daughter for play dates, took her to and from school and gymnastics. Made our family delicious meals when I couldn’t. Visited and just encouraged me through a tough time. I will forever be so thankful for these people!

Pride washed over me as I watched my daughter kiss her baby brother. She has loved him with something fierce, ever since she laid eyes on him. She is protective, nurturing, caring and sweet to him. Having been the only child for almost five years, I worried how she would be with a baby brother. I can honestly say she has never been happier.

Complete. Fulfilled. This baby we didn’t think we would ever have; and yet he has completed our family and filled our hearts with so much happiness, I could burst. He embodies the definition of JOY. We are all still completely enamored with him, almost a full year later.

Sadness. Of course every mom is sad when her baby turns one. Not because one is OLD- but because it goes by faster than you can blink.  

Wonder. It’s amazing watching our children grow and learn new things. Every new expression he makes, new coo or word makes me smile. All of the milestones he meets fill my heart with incredulous joy and pride. And then, when I think I couldn’t possibly be more proud, he goes and does it again. What a privilege it is to witness his growth and these changes!

Relief. It is no small job taking care of a baby. The feedings, diaper changes, baths, Dr. appointments, diaper changes, - their complete dependency on you is daunting. The sleep deprivation is no joke. But we made it through the first year!

Excitement. I love watching him come into his own each day. I love when hints of his personality come out.  I can’t help but be excited that I get to teach him, and love him with my entire heart forever. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for this baby boy.

Redeemed. The first few weeks of baby boys life were difficult. I wanted to breastfeed him in the worst way, but it didn't work out for us. We tried everything, and in the end I simply felt like I failed him. Now I can look back and feel good about giving it my best shot. He is healthy, happy, growing and thriving just fine on formula. Thankfully, we serve a mighty God and the guilt I felt early on has been lifted.

Peace. He is my second, and from my first I learned how fast it really does fly by. So I appreciated him in a different way, and did things differently. I ignored the parenting books and articles that said he would never be a good sleeper if I tended to him when he woke up at night. I knew that those nights were numbered. I treasured our quiet moments together, just him and I in the still darkness. I knew that soon enough he wouldn’t need me in the middle of the night. I memorized the way his eyelashes danced  as he fought going back to sleep. The way his entire body gave way to sobs when I picked him up, and instantly became replaced by deep sighs of contentment. The way his silky soft cheek felt next to mine. The way his tiny fingers grasped onto me, assuring himself that I was still there.  The sound of him sucking on his beloved binky. Yes, of course I was tired. I still am! But I have no regrets.

These emotions just scratch the surface of what a mother goes through watching her baby turn one. I know God has great plans for my baby boy, and I can’t wait to see how his life unfolds. Yes, he is not a tiny baby anymore. But I have taken heart knowing that this is just the beginning, and the best is yet to come.